IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Economic growth is one of the top priorities of every state around the world.
However
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, some experts believe that rich nations with any additional increase in economic wealth are unable to create more satisfaction for their citizens. Personally, I hold a different perspective on
this
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 notion. On the one hand, it is argued that individuals from improved societies may not experience greater pleasure because of the heavy workload.
Due to
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 the tasks of expanding the
economy
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, businesses are required to boost their productivity and foster innovative progress, leading to increased working hours.
Therefore
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, people may have less time for leisure activities, causing stress and pressure which are the two main indicators when measuring the happiness index in a certain country.
For instance
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, being the most developed
economy
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 in the world, the U.S. has the highest suicide rate globally.
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that growth in the
economy
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 is positively associated with happiness for several reasons.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that citizens from richer
countries
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 can have a higher living standard, including better living conditions with modern facilities and more chances to access the top education system and the world-class healthcare system.
As a result
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, the world has witnessed a huge flow of people from underdeveloped and developing regions migrating to developed nations with the hope of a brighter future.
Secondly
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, with a prosperous
economy
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, wealthier
countries
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 can have more resources to overcome social issues,
such
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 as unemployment, environmental damage and inequality. To illustrate, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
while
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 poorer
countries
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 were struggling to meet their citizens' basic needs, including food, medicine and accommodation, individuals from richer ones can easily overcome the pandemic with financial support from their governments. In conclusion,
while
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 growth in the
economy
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 can lead to a more stressful workload, I firmly assert that
this
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 development contributes significantly to an individual's fulfilment thanks to a higher living standard and social issues being addressed. It is advisable that
countries
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 should continuously develop their economies to increase the happiness of their residents.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout and mostly supports it with relevant arguments and examples. Try to develop some of the points with deeper analysis to achieve the highest clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized logically with effective use of paragraphs. Ensure each supporting argument is tightly tied to your main thesis for more cohesiveness.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, creating a complete structure.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the reference to the U.S. suicide rate and the COVID-19 pandemic, effectively supports the arguments.
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