IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Machines are replacing humans in the manual workforce. Do you think the positive effects outweigh the negative effects?

#machines #humans #workforce #effects
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It is a true fact that as modern technology has been developing significantly over the
last
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 two decades, a wide variety of
machines
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 are taking over the manual labour of individuals.
However
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, employees can experience both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 trend. Admittedly, we cannot imagine our lives without technology, especially household appliances
such
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 as fridges, vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, washing
machines
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, and others. I mean that every family depends on
such
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 items for their daily needs and they seem to be unable to fulfil their chores without
such
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 technological aids or equipment.
Likewise
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, different
machines
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 are promoted and applied in most companies and businesses so that they can increase the efficiency of work and the quality of products. In China,
for instance
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, robots or special machinery are being used in factories, plants, workshops and others
instead
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 of traditional
workers
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 in order to make more profits and economise their expenses.
Last
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 but the least,
while
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workers
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 need to have a break during their working schedule,
machines
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 are ready to work continuously and do dangerous activities.
Nonetheless
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, there are some negative impacts of
machines
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 on both
workers
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 and the environment. First of all, it can cause unemployment among human beings since
machines
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 are replacing the staff in manufacturing.
For example
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, in the company Artel in our country, there used to be a large number of labourers at first but after the company began to utilize special
machines
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, the number of
workers
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 dropped dramatically. Another drawback is that as almost every machine is based on electricity when it goes off suddenly, they are not capable of performing their potential.
That is
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 why the roles of employers are still vitally important in many cases.
To sum up
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,
whereas
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 companies are adapting to use a wide range of
machines
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 these days, humans play a crucial role in the manual workforce.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that there should be an ideal balance between the two tendencies.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
Integrate more complex sentences to exhibit a higher level of linguistic skill. Your essay demonstrates good structure, but varying your sentence types more significantly could enhance its readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, which strengthens your essay's overall structure. Keep focusing on making your point clear in both sections for an even stronger impact.
task achievement
Support your main points with a broader range of examples and deeper analysis. While you provided relevant examples, further elaboration and diverse instances could boost your argument's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address the question by considering both sides equally and providing a more detailed evaluation of their implications. Your response leans towards acknowledging both perspectives but could benefit from a deeper exploration of how they balance against each other.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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