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Band 7

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

#children #television #time #measures
It cannot be denied that currently all around the world the amount of time which is spent on watching television by
children
 has increased a lot
on the other hand
 we observe a decrease in their physical and creative
activities
. Fewer playgrounds
as well as
 other structural and social changes are causing these shifts. To encourage them governments can initiate different social
activities
. Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why
children
 are busy with TV shows these days.
Firstly
, scarcity of playgrounds
as well as
 lack of security are two of the main causes.
This
 is because in most urban areas there are fewer open places available nowadays where
children
 can play or take part in physical
activities
. That's why watching TV and enjoying cartoons become their only choices. Another crucial point is the lack of social security and lots of traffic.
As a result
, parents do not allow them to play outside their house. Social organizations
such
 as local libraries, and different clubs can facilitate a number of creative options like reading, painting, and singing
as well as
 sports like swimming they can arrange social campaigning and initiate
activities
 in which
children
 can participate. Governments and school authorities can introduce extracurricular
activities
 where
children
 learn different skills
while
 having fun. In conclusion, I like to consider that
children
 are emotional and curious. Sometimes it is quite difficult to motivate them. If we try to understand their demands and design a significant amount of
children
-friendly outdoor facilities and ensure security,
children
 and their parents frequently visit those facilities.
Submitted by nfs74065 on

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Task Response
Craft a more detailed and focused introduction to clearly set up the arguments and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain consistent and clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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