Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists

In many countries, experts

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sciences and technologies are highly respected and have much more income compared to musicians or artists. I agree that

this

is happening in our modern society. In

this

essay, I will discuss the possible causes of

this

phenomenon.

To begin

with, people who pursue careers in the field of science and

technology

are considered smart and dedicated.

This

might be associated with a higher degree and university education that they have to accomplish before they become an expert in sciences or

technology

. On top of that, development in science and

technology

significantly affects our lives.

Consequently

, experts in that field are considered first-class citizens and are highly paid for their work.

For example

, the advanced

technology

in the internet and communication software has changed the course of human's lives.

Also

as a result

of the hard-working scientists in the field of medicine and biotechnology, these days, patients with cancer and other chronic diseases may have a better quality of life.

In addition

although

it may be true that art and music are inseparable parts of human culture, in many countries musicians and artists are not valued by society as they should be. In my opinion, there are a few reasons for

this

phenomenon.

Firstly

, many people see art as a complementary aspect of our lives. It is not a basic need or a survival skill.

Therefore

, art seems to be not as important as science or

technology

. In conclusion, it is true that musicians and artists are not valued as much as scientists and

technology

experts in our modern society.

Submitted by irarahmawati.polkesma on Fri Aug 25 2023

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task response

Overall, the essay adequately responds to the task question but lacks deeper exploration and development of the points. The coherence and structure are generally well organized but could benefit from clearer signposting and linkage of ideas. There are relevant examples, but stronger and more varied support could enhance the response.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes effectively. However, the essay would benefit from clearer progression and linkage between paragraphs to improve overall coherence. Use of cohesive devices to connect ideas more explicitly is recommended.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some precise and appropriate word choices. However, for a higher score, strive for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Additionally, aim to use more academic and formal language to enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

The essay shows a reasonably wide range of structures, with generally accurate and varied use of grammar. To further improve, work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical forms. Also, pay attention to punctuation and sentence mechanics for greater accuracy and precision.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

valued
modern society
scientists
technology experts
musicians
artists
reliance
scientific advancements
practical benefits
driving economic growth
daily lives
culture
human emotions
express ideas
provoke thought
spiritual well-being
emotional well-being
preserving cultural heritage
subjective nature
diversity

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Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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