Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One school of thought
instead
of watching the event on television, watching a live performance is more enjoyable. The writer of Linking Words
this
essay strongly agrees with Linking Words
this
notion as not only Linking Words
atmosphere
and immersion but Use synonyms
also
supporting Linking Words
artists
and Use synonyms
athletes
.
The first aspect to consider is the unparalleled Use synonyms
atmosphere
of live performances. Use synonyms
Firstly
, attending a live performance offers a unique Linking Words
atmosphere
and a sense of immersion that can not be replaced by watching it on television. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the energy of the crowd and being in the presence of the performers or Linking Words
athletes
enhances the Use synonyms
overall
experience. Linking Words
For example
, at football matches, most Linking Words
of
spectators want to watch in person at Change preposition
apply
stadium
Add an article
the stadium
instead
of watching Linking Words
throughout
Change preposition
through
Correct article usage
the televison
televison
which Correct your spelling
television
not
bring collective energy Add a missing verb
does not
for
the viewers.
Change preposition
to
Secondly
, watching a live performance Linking Words
also
supports Linking Words
artists
and Use synonyms
athletes
. To explain Use synonyms
further
, attending live events directly supports the Linking Words
artists
, Use synonyms
athletes
, and performers financially and emotionally, showing appreciation for their work in a way that watching on TV does not. Use synonyms
For instance
, watching live at some concerts can support the singer by creating a vibrant Linking Words
atmosphere
and Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
artists
will have more motivation to perform.
In conclusion, I completely agree that live performances provide a superior experience to that of their televised counterparts. The unique Use synonyms
atmosphere
and supporting Use synonyms
artists
and Use synonyms
athletes
Use synonyms
pf
live events create a compelling and unforgettable enjoyment that television viewing can not replicate.Correct your spelling
of
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coherence cohesion
The introduction is effective but can be improved by rephrasing to enhance clarity. For instance, 'The writer of this essay strongly agrees...' can be changed to 'This essay strongly agrees...'.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs should have a clearer structure. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more detailed reasons and examples to strengthen the arguments presented. For example, how does the atmosphere of a live performance enhance enjoyment compared to a televised one?
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to improve the overall flow of the essay. This can help to make your points more engaging and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally effective, it would benefit from more varied vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and vividly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and directly addresses the prompt, which is a strong point.
supported main points
The points made are relevant and support the main argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the author’s agreement with the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?