IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that some students at university want to learn about other
subjects
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in addition
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 to their main
subjects
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.
While
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 others think it is more important to give their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
This
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 essay will analyze
this
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 topic
in
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from
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 both
point
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points
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 of view. On the one hand, many university students want to learn about other
subjects
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Linking Words
Change preposition
in additionally
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additionally
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in addition
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 to the main subject
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they think that knowledge is not limited so they want to
now
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know
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 as much as information they can
know
Verb problem
apply
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.
This
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 may have lots of benefits,
for example
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, a person may learn more
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 about a topic which is not related to her or his main
subjects
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.
This
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 will improve
to make
Verb problem
apply
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her or his knowledge
wider
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apply
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.
On the other hand
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, taking extra
subjects
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 may affect
person’s
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a person’s
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 grades or it might lower their focus.
For instance
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, a person may take extra
subjects
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 and if he or she does not have enough time for it, he or she might have more pressure which may have aspects in his or her scores in other main
subjects
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. In conclusion, many scholars believe that taking more
subjects
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 to
extand
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extend
expand
 their knowledge is something important,
while
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 others believe that they do not have to take extra
subjects
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 and that may affect
on
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apply
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their main subject.In my opinion, I consider that a person can take more
subjects
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 if he or she has the time to study for it, but if he or she
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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 that taking
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an exrta
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exrta
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extra
 subject may have a huge
affect
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effect
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, he or she should not take it.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction should clearly state your thesis or main argument more explicitly, which will help guide the reader more effectively through your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. This will improve readability and keep the reader engaged.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This can strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'becuase' should be 'because', and 'extand' should be 'extend'). This will help improve the overall clarity of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have clearly addressed both views and provided your opinion, which is important for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with distinct paragraphs, each serving a purpose in the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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