IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #children #information #internet #study #home
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People have differing views with regard to the question of did
children
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 need to go to
schools
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while
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 they can learn everything from the
Internet
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.
While
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 some argue that
children
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 do not need to go to any educational institutions, I believe
schools
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 still play an important role in our lives Admittedly, there is good reason to say that
children
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 should go to
school
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 They can have a lot of good relationships through
schools
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. Having friends on the
Internet
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 is never as interesting as making friends in real life. They can even try the puppy love. From my point of view, it will be more appealing than
Internet
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 love.
For instance
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,
schools
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 often have at least one extracurricular activity for
students
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 in a
school
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 year.
That is
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 the time when
children
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 can spend a good part of their time with friends and make some new relationships with other
students
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 in
school
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 There is
also
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 compelling reason to argue that still necessary for
children
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 to go to
school
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. It is better for
students
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 to listen to the lecture directly. There will be Sometimes
students
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 struggle to study through a screen. If studying face-to-face, they can ask the teachers their questions immediately. When learning online, they will have to look up everything on their own without anyone's help. Granted, one might argue that the
Internet
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 has everything and can respond faster than the teachers.
However
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, information on the
Internet
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 is updated by humans.
Therefore
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, it may sometimes make mistakes and give the wrong answer In conclusion, I require study at
school
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 rather than exercise at home.
Students
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 can experience a lot of new things through
schools
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 that they can never have if they study online
Submitted by chi on

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task response
Provide more in-depth analysis and argumentation to fully address the given topic
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear organization and connection between ideas. Consider structuring the essay with clearer topic sentences and supporting details
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and strive for more precision and accuracy in word choice and expression
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to convey ideas more clearly

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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