IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays, there are more and more people suffering from health problems. Why people choose unhealthy lifestyle? How could we resolve this problem?

#people #health #lifestyle
Being healthy is a vital aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human existence. In recent times, a lot more
people
 have issues with their
health
.
This
 may be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a result of the harmful way of living that
people
 have chosen. In
this
 article, I will be stating some reasons why
people
 adopt lifestyles that negatively affect their
health
 and possible solutions to decrease the number of individuals with
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems. One of the major reasons why
people
 have
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
healthier
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 is the rise in civilisation and modernisation. The increase in these factors
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 resulted in the relegation of some pattern of living to the past. Previously,
people
 made their meals by themselves but these days a lot of
people
 depend on "fast foods" which may not be prepared with the most healthy options and
this
 in turn negatively impacts their
health
.
For instance
, the
health
 implications of frequently eating burger which has a lot of fat in it is unpleasant as
this
 may cause
rise
Add an article
a rise
show examples
 in heart problems. An important approach to curbing
this
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 is in promoting healthy eating. Healthy eating ensures
people
 eat food with more nutritious value and
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 to their
health
. With decreased consumption of unhealthy food and more intake of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy options,
people
 can cause a positive shift in their
health
 indices. In conclusion
Submitted by Gej@22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: