Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what rneasures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

#children #pressures #perspectives #rneasures

In the modern era, the young generation might be exposed to way more pressure for their psychosocial development than in the past. There may be a variety of contributions causing

this

phenomenon as a social

issue

with easy access to social media that encourages the sense of competition between peers.

However

, fortunately, possible solutions can be in place for addressing the problem. The factors of the

issue

and accessible approach are presented below.

To begin

with, young people have more burdens to carry in their lives to achieve better academic outcomes and to develop social skills which are all for their psychosocial development than the past generations.

This

due to

the fact that young people can have much information from the internet which might be a source to compare themselves to others. To exemplify

this

, young students would be able to see what others are doing without their intent on Instagram when they log in.

This

might impact young

children

's mental health by bringing a sense of competition unconsciously.

For

this

reason,

children

might have more pressures to reach their psychosocial goals

such

others are doing.

However

, there would be possible solutions to tackle

this

situation among

children

by creating a platform for

children

which is more likely to be helpful for their

overall

lives. As existing social media

such

as Instagram and

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

tend to focus on adults, an online place for young students would be developed to address the current

issue

. For a salient example, an internet-based app which stimulates their enjoyment on top of their developments can be developed for an online risk-free place.

Therefore

, the presenting

issue

can be resolved by

this

approach.

To sum up

although

children

have a confrontation with the

issue

regarding having massive pressure in their psychosocial development stages from greater

accessibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

accessibility

show examples

to social media than before, developing a

children

-friendly app can be a solution which can be placed.

Submitted by yeseulyou92 on Mon Feb 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, but you could improve it by creating clearer connections between your ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your essay. You could improve these by stating your main points more clearly in the introduction and summarizing them effectively in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Although you have presented main points, you could enhance your essay by offering more detailed support for each argument. Consider adding facts, figures, or specific real-world examples to substantiate your points.

task achievement

You've made an attempt to respond to the task by discussing the pressures faced by children and suggesting measures to reduce these pressures. However, your response could be more complete if you provided a deeper exploration of both causes and solutions.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant but at times not fully developed. To achieve a higher score, expand on your ideas and ensure that each one is explored comprehensively. Provide more detailed explanations and consider multiple perspectives where applicable.

task achievement

Use specific examples to illustrate each point you make. This not only shows a deeper understanding of the topic but also makes your arguments more persuasive and tangible to the reader. Avoid general statements and aim for clarity and specificity in your examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

318 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what rneasures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

TASK 2: Some people think the money spent on developing technology for space exploration is not justified. However, there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

1. Some people believe that the most important aspect of their job is their salary. Others think that the job itself is the most important. What do you think is the most important aspect of a job? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.