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Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be the compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #services #part #school #programmes
It cannot be denied that voluntary work can help high school
students
 to improve their social skills. Some commentators are of the view that schools should make it a necessary part of their curriculum,
while
, others do not. I agree with the perspective that voluntary
community
services
 should be a compulsory segment of the higher secondary school facilities. From an
overall
 perspective, there are two main reasons why voluntary activities are beneficial for learners and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be a mandatory part of their education.
Firstly
,
students
 can improve their communication skills.
This
 is because, when they participate in
community
 work they can able to learn a significant amount of knowledge about real-life conditions.
For instance
, by participating in an adult care facility as a volunteer,
students
 can acquire a deep knowledge about the different stages of life. So it will enhance their maturity.
Secondly
, When they do unpaid
community
services
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 helping people to learn how to use the Internet, and how to order
services
 by using mobile phone applications,
students
 can able to understand a variety of social problems and that can motivate them to find different creative
as well as
 innovative solutions of numerous
community
 problems.
Furthermore
, voluntary work gives them early exposure to real-life job experiences.
On the other hand
, if unpaid voluntary
services
 become a necessary part of the syllabus,
students
 may treat it as a pressure.
As a result
, they might start to avoid it and lose their enthusiasm. Another point is that
students
 have to study a lot and different theories in their classes and they have to face education-related pressure. That's why, making voluntary
services
 compulsory could be a counterproductive approach. In conclusion, after comparing both views I agree with the notion that school voluntary
services
 should be mandatory coursework. Because in
this
 era of social media and computer games, it will create an option that will be beneficial for
students
 as a whole.
Submitted by nfs74065 on

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task response
Ensure to address both sides of the argument in a balanced manner. Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Use appropriate linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions. Avoid repetition and aim for more sophisticated word choices.
grammatical range
Work on using complex sentence structures and accurate grammar throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community services
  • valuable learning experiences
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • problem-solving
  • responsibility
  • empathy
  • personal growth
  • character development
  • positive impacts
  • local communities
  • society
  • undermine
  • purpose
  • effectiveness
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