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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that secondary education should be taught how to use money management as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely regarded that making good use of
money
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 is an important life skill which secondary students must learn. In my opinion, I completely agree with the view above.
This
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 essay will be thoroughly explained as follows.
Firstly
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, during
this
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 stage, students have reached the age old enough to enter high school or college and advance towards university,
therefore
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, students will have to learn to control their expenditure on items without their parents' supervision. If they don't know how to manage their
money
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, they may spend it on unnecessary products.
However
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, when they are taught about
money
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 management, they can limit their purchase and save it for a later day.
Secondly
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, it helps them to value their budget. By learning about managing
money
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, they will truly comprehend the importance of
money
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. Eventually, teenagers will respect their parents’ efforts and look back at themselves, which can encourage them to try harder in their school.
Last
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 but not least, by saving some
money
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, you can register for invaluable courses or charities.
This
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 not only helps you to develop yourselves to the highest potential but
also
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 contributes meaningful things to the impoverished kids who need financial help from outsiders. Admittedly, it can guarantee trust and love among many people. In conclusion, cash management is a pivotal life skill for every secondary student because it enables them to sympathize with the
hardship
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hardships
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 of their parents and to develop themselves more.

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task achievement
Try to include more clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to help the flow of your essay.
content
Your introduction clearly states your opinion.
structure
You have a clear conclusion that restates your main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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