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Band 5

the audience of the male sports are more than the female sports what are the causes is it positive or a negative development.

#audience #sports #development
It is important to think about why spectators of
men
's
sports
 are higher than
women
. I think
this
 will have drawbacks for female
sports
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long term. I will delve into the reasons that caused
this
 notion. It is irrefutable that
Sports
 have a large base
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
audience mostly for male physical activity.
This
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to many reasons;
Firstly
,
Men
 games offer epic and engaging
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
, which is the main purpose of entertainment.
Secondly
, in the past,
Women
 were not allowed to participate in physical activities. Their role
were
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was
show examples
 mainly related to culinary skills and attractive appearances, leaving the physical part for males. which
consequently
 made people attracted to watching
men
 play physical games.
For example
, the
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
world's
Capitalize word
World's
show examples
cup
Capitalize word
Cup
show examples
 was spectated by over a billion viewers, in
contrary
Correct your spelling
contrast
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
world's
Capitalize word
World's
show examples
cup
Capitalize word
Cup
show examples
 which was viewed by a ten million people
only
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apply
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.
Furthermore
, males are innately talented in games, so It is amusing to watch them play
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, as they create memorable
atmosphere
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atmospheres
show examples
.
On the other hand
, female
sports
 are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low views,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may have
detriorative
Correct your spelling
deteriorative
deteriorating
 effects in the long term.
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
 is because viewers equals money that comes from
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 and sponsors. So small
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
audience will
subsequently
,
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female wages, and of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 they will have less motivation to play. If they are provided with equal opportunities,
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
sports
 will be on a whole other level of professionalism.
For instance
 , If Serina Williams gets the same salary as Rafel Nadal who is a well-known tennis player, She will have the incentives to continue playing for a long time. In conclusion, It can be reiterated that both male and female competitions are of equal entertainment, but with different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of spectators. which could be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
sports
.
Submitted by islam_biologist on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • fan base
  • media representation
  • sponsorship deals
  • commercialization
  • stereotypes
  • athletic prowess
  • marketing strategies
  • visibility
  • cultural norms
  • gender inequality
  • grassroots initiatives
  • equal representation
  • institutional bias
  • public interest
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