Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that in

this

Linking Words

fast-paced and modern world everyone, especially youngsters, has been affected by electronic devices

such

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as computers, tablets and

cellphones

Correct your spelling

cell phones

show examples

whereas

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hardly could we find a child without a smartphone. Some well-educated persons hold the belief that

this

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could be helpful to stimulate their attitudes. Literally, I personally contend with

this

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notion. I will clarify my reasons for my claim in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, what is transparent and needs to be considered is that young ones dealing with their smartphones have become addicted to them somehow

whereas

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, rarely could they sustain without these gadgets. On top of that, not only these devices could be detrimental to their physical health

such

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as obesity

due to

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lack of outdoor activities and destructive effects on their eyes, but

also

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they could lead to some mental issues like depression and being reserved or introverted rather than their friends.

For example

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, there are numerous juveniles being influenced in an adverse way by video games because of some aspects of violence and brutality of those games.

Thus

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, it can cause countless calamities in their future lives.

Additionally

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, regarding

this

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matter, we could obviously perceive that modern appliances used by children can lead to a deficiency in communication skills.

In other words

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, a child could have had a toy or intellectual game

instead

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of a smartphone as I strongly believe that there are completely separate periods of life in which some special characteristics would be shaped.

Moreover

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, what needs to be noticed is that it could

also

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be turned into a distracting item for their curriculums and homework as all the time and energy they spend on, would be squandered.

As a result

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, I would mention

this

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statement is something that has become a widely debated problem among nations that should be taken some pivotal measures. In conclusion,

although

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some scientists claim that utilizing electronic gadgets could have some advantages in terms of enhancing their imagination and talent, I wholeheartedly believe that the disadvantages asserted above outweigh their merits.

Pegahghaderi85Sun Aug 27 2023

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Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt topic about the impact of electronic devices on children's development. The arguments presented are relevant, but some points could be further developed.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs supporting the main points, and a conclusion. Overall, the ideas are coherent and well-connected.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

341 words

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Some people think that enjoying the present is more important than planning for the future for both countries and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest in young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?