**Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.** **To what extent do you agree or disagree?**

There is no doubt that in
this
fast-paced and modern world everyone, especially youngsters, has been affected by electronic devices
such
as computers, tablets and
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
whereas
hardly could we find a child without a smartphone. Some well-educated persons hold the belief that
this
could be helpful to stimulate their attitudes. Literally, I personally contend with
this
notion. I will clarify my reasons for my claim in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, what is transparent and needs to be considered is that young ones dealing with their smartphones have become addicted to them somehow
whereas
, rarely could they sustain without these gadgets. On top of that, not only these devices could be detrimental to their physical health
such
as obesity
due to
lack of outdoor activities and destructive effects on their eyes, but
also
they could lead to some mental issues like depression and being reserved or introverted rather than their friends.
For example
, there are numerous juveniles being influenced in an adverse way by video games because of some aspects of violence and brutality of those games.
Thus
, it can cause countless calamities in their future lives.
Additionally
, regarding
this
matter, we could obviously perceive that modern appliances used by children can lead to a deficiency in communication skills.
In other words
, a child could have had a toy or intellectual game
instead
of a smartphone as I strongly believe that there are completely separate periods of life in which some special characteristics would be shaped.
Moreover
, what needs to be noticed is that it could
also
be turned into a distracting item for their curriculums and homework as all the time and energy they spend on, would be squandered.
As a result
, I would mention
this
statement is something that has become a widely debated problem among nations that should be taken some pivotal measures. In conclusion,
although
some scientists claim that utilizing electronic gadgets could have some advantages in terms of enhancing their imagination and talent, I wholeheartedly believe that the disadvantages asserted above outweigh their merits.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt topic about the impact of electronic devices on children's development. The arguments presented are relevant, but some points could be further developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs supporting the main points, and a conclusion. Overall, the ideas are coherent and well-connected.
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