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Band 7

Most people in the world have to work to earn a living. However, many people work only for the financial gain that it involves, and not for any other rewards that a job can offer. What do you think the main consideration when deciding what job to take should be?

#people #world #work #gain #rewards #job #offer #consideration
In recent years, a variation in the world economy has led to a swing in the cost of living in many countries.
Although
 some
people
 say they just need a
job
 that provides them an income for living, others believe that a salary from the employer is not necessary and they just need experience and skills given by the company. In the following paragraphs, both views and my opinion on choosing a
job
 will be outlined before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, there are several citizens who select their jobs based on salary. Despite the fact that the organisation they working with is not related to what they have knowledge of or are familiar with and how enjoyable they will have, it gives them a large amount of money for living.
For instance
, many
people
 in major cities are attending to computer-related companies that can grant them high earnings as the growth of technology increases,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 do the companies which will grow up simultaneously.
On the other hand
, Some folks decide to join a company that provides a small amount of wage. They might choose from them because it is their expertise or they are delighted to be engulfed by it.
Although
 the payroll from the employer is not sufficient for their life, they can find additional jobs or part-time jobs as another resource for their wages.
Additionally
, these
people
 value the experience they get from the
job
 to
further
 their future.
Such
 as, a new graduate who pursues his dream by completing engineering courses at university
then
 registers at an engineering-related corporation and searches for a part-time
job
 to add to his earnings. In conclusion, I would agree with the latter view because, these days, it is hard for many
people
 to find what exactly they like. So when we find it, we should embrace it and find another outlet to earn income.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Introduction Clarity
Try to directly address the question in your introduction to clearly set the context and your viewpoint.
Use of Examples
Including more specific examples to support your points can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures and connectors to improve the flow of your essay.
Detail and Development
Consider elaborating further on each point with more detail to enrich your argument and provide clearer insight.
Balanced Discussion
You presented both sides of the argument before stating your own viewpoint, which is good for balanced discussion.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the stance you've taken in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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