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Band 6

Some people say that it’s important to have a lot of money to be happy. To what extent do you agree with this statement? What other things can make you happy?

#people #it’s #money
Nowadays, all over the world, many
people
 are discussing the topic of being happy.
While
 some
people
 think there are
advantages
 of having
money
 to be happy, other
people
 think that
advantages
 of other things
also
 exist. From my point of view, I think the first perspective is the most persuasive, for the reasons discussed below.
Firstly
, as far as
money making
Add a hyphen
money-making
show examples
 you happy is concerned, to a large extent, no matter when, in both developed and developing countries, you can afford whatever you want ,
due to
 the fact that you are wealthy, resulting in an increase in happiness.
For example
, new cars can make you happy.
In addition
, and most importantly, when you are an adult or a worker, you always need
money
 to be comfortable, on account of the fact that you need a good house or good clothes, leading to a comfortable life.
On the other hand
, in my opinion,
advantages
 of other things
also
 exist.
To begin
 with, at least to some degree, no matter where you live in the world, you might fall in love,
due to
 the reason that it is the most important thing in life for some
people
, resulting in,
for example
, a wedding.
Moreover
, and most importantly for me, all through your life, you should look after your health, in order to live longer and avoid illness, with the result that you can
whatever
Add a missing verb
do whatever
show examples
 you want, leading to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 mentality. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 think there are
advantages
 of having
money
 to be happy, others hold a different opinion.
However
, in my opinion, I think the first perspective is the most persuasive, to some extent, for the abovementioned, reasons.
Submitted by tony.vantroo on

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