Government should focus on spending on public services rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many governments do not want to spend the money and prefer to upgrade the public service for their
citizens
. I completely disagree with this
opinion because the government
should facilitate every talent which their citizens
have and also
the talent they have can promote the country
if they have a unique skill. This
essay will explore the topic above and give a rational conclusion.
Firstly
, It is well known that,
everyone is born with different talents which not only fulfil the needs of the Remove the comma
apply
people
but also
entertain each other. To develop their skills the citizens
need an adequate facility which can be provided by the government
. For example
in Indonesia, there are a lot of really talented painters but they cannot access global exhibitions due to
insufficient capital to reach them. In other words
, decisions to not give attention to the artists will make some of their people
become useless which causes injustice because they can not show their creations which can impact their wealth.
The other reason that I disagree is because they can promote the nation if the development of the internet can reach anyone without borders. The unique music or paintings which are the culture of the country
can attract the attention of people
from other nations. This
means that the nation can be a global highlight, and because of it
there are many benefits that the Add a comma
it,
government
can reach such
as visitors to learn more about the uniqueness of a country
. For instance
, Korea has been successful in developing their film and music in their country
and because of the development, there are many people
interested in going to Korea for holiday or study because the people
in other countries due to
their work describe the culture of their nation.
In Conclusion, facilitating arts gives the government
more income, promotes the country
and also
helps to give prosperity to some citizens
. Proper to one aspect is not a responsibility action which can affect some artists who have talent in art.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
The essay should include more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences to enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Including a brief counterargument can help in providing a more balanced view of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's position, which is maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses specific examples, such as the mention of Indonesia and Korea, to support the main points.
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