IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that only the government can make changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

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A
society
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 is formed by its
people
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 and has a lot many diversities and cultural variations depending upon its inhabitants. It is argued that the
government
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 has the sole responsibility to lead any change in
society
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while
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 others believe the significant
role
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 of each individual. In my opinion, there is an equal responsibility, influence and action required from the
government
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as well as
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people
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 in order to make changes in the
society
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the same with supportive points.
Firstly
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, In different countries, there is a different system of ruling and laws.
For instance
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, in a democratic
society
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 like India and the United States of America, the
government
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 is formed by the
people
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 and for the
people
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.
Therefore
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, in
this
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 system, an elected nominee of a particular
society
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 raises societal concerns in the parliament and brings solutions back to improve that.
However
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, countries like China and Russia, have communist rule and all decisions for a community are made by the
government
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. Here individuals play a minimal
role
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 and have no say or asked for their opinions. In my opinion,
people
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 play a significant
role
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 and the voice and actions needed to reform any
society
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.
For example
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, inhabitants of a
society
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 are often aware of problems( need for children's parks, parking issues, cultural celebrations etc.) and unless they report or work together to resolve or celebrate them, no outsider or even
government
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 would be willing to take action.
Moreover
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, any kind of dictatorship can only pushback any community or alternatively even in a democratic
government
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 focus would not go into social reformation unless asked to do so by its individuals.
Finally
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, there is a debate regarding whether the
government
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 or the
people
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 should have the authority to bring changes to
society
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. In my opinion, both play an equal and crucial
role
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 in the development of a
society
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to better structure the essay.
Task Achievement
Task Response should be more balanced, with an equal focus on both sides of the argument.
Lexical Resource
A varied range of vocabulary is used effectively, but aim for more sophisticated and precise word choices.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates good control of grammar and a variety of sentence structures. Work on more sophisticated sentence structures to elevate the writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • society
  • government
  • changes
  • influence
  • policies
  • laws
  • intervention
  • societal issues
  • collective action
  • progress
  • development
  • harmonious
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