IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Shops should not be allowed to sell food and drinks tha are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, many
food
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 and drink products are known to cause
health
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 problems if consumed regularly. Some
people
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 argue that
such
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 products should not be allowed to be sold. I partly agree with
this
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 view because
although
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 banning can protect public
health
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, it may not be realistic or fair in every situation. One strong reason for banning harmful
food
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 is to improve public
health
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. Many fast
food
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 items, sugary drinks, and processed snacks are directly linked to obesity and serious diseases
such
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 as diabetes and heart problems. If governments restrict the sale of
such
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 items,
people
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 will naturally choose healthier options.
This
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 would reduce medical costs and improve the
overall
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 well-being of society.
On the other hand
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, a complete ban might not be practical.
People
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 should have the freedom to decide what they eat and drink.
For instance
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, some individuals enjoy fast
food
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 occasionally without suffering negative effects.
Moreover
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, it is difficult to define which foods are “scientifically proven” to be harmful, because almost any
food
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 can be unhealthy if consumed in excess.
Instead
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 of banning, authorities can encourage
people
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 to make informed choices. A better solution is to combine education with regulation.
For example
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, governments can ban junk
food
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 in schools to protect children,
while
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also
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 imposing higher taxes or clear warning labels on sugary drinks.
This
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 approach reduces
health
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 risks but still respects
people
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’s freedom. In conclusion,
while
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 banning unhealthy foods could benefit public
health
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, it is not always practical. In my opinion, governments should apply partial restrictions, especially for children, and
also
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 promote awareness so that individuals can make responsible decisions.

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content
Be clear on what you mean by 'scientifically proven' and give one clear plan such as to ban in schools or limit ads, to show a solid policy.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use more simple links to show how points connect. Use and, but, also to move thoughts.
lexical
Keep words simple and use short lines. Avoid long wordy phrases.
grammar
Some sentences are long. Break them into two or three shorter ones.
development
Add a real example or small fact to back each point, like a cost or a rate of illness.
content
You show a clear view and fair talk on the two sides.
structure
The essay is easy to follow with clear order: intro, body, and end.
coherence
You use linking words well to mark ideas.
content
Reasoning links to how health care costs may rise.
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