IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

There’s the need to give more strict punishments to those who violate road safety rules. Agree or disagree.

#there’s #punishments #road #safety #rules
In the contemporary era, many lives have perished through accidents
as a result
 of disobeying pathway safety laws.
While
 a group of people think
this
 issue can be resolved by penalizing offenders,
in contrast
, others believe the state should consider other alternative measures. In my opinion, combining both approaches will help resolve it. On one hand, citizens tend to obey rules and regulations when punishment is imposed on them.
This
 makes people more cautious when driving since no one wants to be a victim. Penalties
such
 as small fines, license suspension and even prison sentences avoid reckless driving.
For example
, a huge amount of money is placed on anyone who violates
road
 conditions in Ghana, and failure to pay will land you in prison,
This
 has made people careful when driving and it has abated accidents.
In addition
, sanctions have put fear in individuals, they are scared to face the law so with
this
, they think twice before breaking rules that keep the highways safe.
On the other hand
, I believe there are other methods to reduce law violations on the highways.
such
 as conducting reinforcement investigations before issuing licenses to drivers.
Also
 educating the public on
road
 signs and government should better public transport to reduce
road
 accident.
Moreover
, the state should train more MTTD personnel to direct traffic and ensure they do their work according. In conclusion, to improve pathway safety, it is not enough to be hard on traffic offenders but a range of
road
 safety measures should accompany harsher penalties.
Submitted by boadimaxwell48 on

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Task Response
Good job in presenting both sides of the argument and providing a balanced view. Ensure that all examples are directly relevant to the points made to strengthen your argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-developed introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects of the issue, and a concluding statement. Make sure to maintain this coherence throughout by connecting ideas and arguments effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Presented a clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Response
Provided relevant examples to support arguments.
Task Response
Balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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