Some people think that the government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There can be no doubt that the topic of
health
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is
one
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which deserves some consideration. It is the view of
this
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writer that the evidence is on the side of those who believe public
health
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is the government's responsibility, despite some reservations. Those who champion the authorities being in charge of citizens'
health
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point to the fact that medical bills should be free.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that not everyone is able to afford detailed medical scans and frequent check-ups.
As a result
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, the poor suffer from illnesses, yet, cannot go to the hospital because they lack money.
One
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should
also
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note that
this
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presents a fair society where the general public is treated equally. There is a different point of view which holds that maintaining personal
health
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is
one
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's responsibility because individuals are in control of their
health
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. As should be self-evident, everyone is free to choose their lifestyles including what they eat and what they do.
For
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this
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reason,
health
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is closely linked to people's behaviours.
This
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can
also
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be attributed to past
health
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records which citizens are in full charge of, because of
this
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, only they know what they need.
This
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writer supports the former on the grounds that prioritising
development
Correct article usage
the development
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of medical technology greatly benefits society's general
health
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. It is beyond a doubt that with the advent of computers, the government has full access to previous medical check-ups. A clear-cut example of
this
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would be patients who suffer from memory loss, they are unable to recall previous actions let alone remember to go back to the hospital.
Furthermore
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,
one
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should acknowledge that the majority of patients are elderly who
also
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happen to have problems with remembering and recalling.
Thus
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it can be seen that individuals' responsibility is outweighed by developing technologies and free medical bills.
Therefore
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, there is ample evidence
to conclude
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that government should be responsible for citizens'
health
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.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and supported with more examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow by using more linking words.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your opinion at the end.
task achievement
You presented both views well and offered your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear and focused on individual ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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