IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

News plays an important part of most people’s lives. Why is news so important to people? Why is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead?

#news #part #people’s #lives #people #focus
All around the places in
this
 tangible
world
, everyday
news
 matters to the
people
 as they either have direct or indirect relations to their social life.
Moreover
, sometimes a particular
news
 could modify an individual's course of action when it is from their own realm. In
this
 essay, I will discuss in detail the significance of
news
 in
people
's lives and the reasons for often unpleasant
news
 from the
news
 channels, and
also
 if there is any need to change
this
 pattern and make a shift to upright healthy
news
.
Firstly
, the role of
news
 and daily updates is pivotal in human life. The system of
news
 came earlier to spread information among
people
 so as to make them aware of activities by the
people
 and for the
people
 (by the government). With technological advancements, ways of
news
 formats changed from a pigeon carrying a message to an announcer in the market in earlier years to newsrooms and channels to very recent social apps. Certainly,
news
 helps
people
 to stay connected with their surroundings and get themselves involved in
this
 social process.
For instance
, we get updates in different fields and an interesting government announcement through
news
 in a particular field would likely get positive or negative reactions and could be
further
 modified.
Next,
regarding bad
news
, unfortunately,
this
 is indeed true. Not to explain, more than 60% time it is distressing newsnews. It probably reflects human mentality but
also
 to blame the initial structure of
news
.
For example
, In India, newspapers started before independence and
people
 shared painful updates in order to fight for freedom and to enlighten
people
. 
However
, in the present
world
, the situation is entirely different. Even though
people
 are making progress through technology and there are many good things happening all around the
world
, despite that more
people
 are suffering from loneliness and related psychological issues. It is
therefore
 required to focus more on cheerful, encouraging and motivating
news
 rather than on terrible
news
. In conclusion,
news
 does play a considerably important role in social lives.
Nevertheless
, in
this
 modern
world
, it is important to change focus from bad
news
 to good
news
 as per the aforementioned reasons.
Submitted by sonyasharma01 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented logically, although some points could be more elaborated to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the task, but it could benefit from providing more specific and detailed examples to support the ideas.
lexical resource
The essay shows a good command of vocabulary and uses a variety of expressions. However, more sophisticated vocabulary and nuanced expressions could be used to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates good control of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that can be improved to achieve a higher score in this criterion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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