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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays most parents ,especially, dads are likely to stay at home and look after their kids ,
however
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, mothers prefer to become breadwinners. I think there can be a couple of
reasons
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 for
this
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 and it is a quite good improvement.
To begin
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, as I said before there could be
reasons
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. One of the main causes is alterations that related to our society in the
last
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 decades.
Due to
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 these changes, not only women becoming breadwinners, but
also
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 fathers staying at home and looking after their kids have become acceptable for almost everyone in more societies.
Also
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, another reason may be some couples made a sound decision about their marriages before commencing a family life.
For instance
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, when they have children
which
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 partner will continue to work depending on their earnings, because as everyone knows, the cost of living,
such
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 as the prices of food, clothing and bills have increased in recent years all over the world. In my view,
due to
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 some
reasons
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,
this
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 type of change ought to be seen as progress in many aspects. First of all, it means that gender equality has developed.
That is
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 why, females are not already under pressure and thereby they may prefer their own priorities and pursue careers
instead
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 of taking care of their children.
In addition
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 to these, some investigations have proved that kids' spending time with their dads has positive impacts on children's mental and physiological health. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the replacement of roles between fathers and mothers is a good type of improvement, because of the
reasons
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 I mentioned above.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear organization and structure, leading to some confusion in presenting ideas.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the arguments are not fully developed and lack depth.
lexical resource
The use of vocabulary is adequate, but it could be more varied and precise to enhance the quality of writing.
grammatical range
The essay shows a reasonable control of a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors that affect the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
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