Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved. What are your opinions on this?
In the contemporary age, more opportunities are available to females compared to the past time. Some argue the negative outcomes outweigh the benefits it has brought. I am firmly against
this
kind of view.
Linking Words
Firstly
, it is evident that nowadays women possess greater access to social-engaging opportunities, like men always do, Linking Words
such
as pursuing a career, abandoning the identity of mother or housewife, and engaging In political issues. Admittedly, concerns generated by these feminist social activities are emerging in various social sectors. The most direct example lies in the fact that despite participating in various societal roles, women still remain in the role of caregiver, resulting in them having to handle double the workload than before. Meanwhile, office harassment and discrimination Linking Words
also
pose obstacles to females’ career trajectories.
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However
, these difficulties are not caused by the fact that females participate in public affairs but rather they are only exposed by the participation, as Linking Words
such
concerns always exist. Linking Words
In other words
, throughout history, females always faced numerous dilemmas in every stage of their lives, and only until now, have their difficult positions started to be noticed by the general public. Linking Words
However
, in my opinion, Linking Words
such
issues do not only serve as social problems but Linking Words
also
are precious chances that can provide the whole civic body perspectives to re-consider the identity of their female associates, provide women with the space to address their daily challenges and enhance their social status.
In conclusion, females’ dilemmas always existed from the past until now. The reason the community perceives more problems today is that they are brought to light by the advancement of females’ status. Only when we view these matters as opportunities can we achieve the goal of building a fairer and sustainable society for all individuals.Linking Words
Submitted by norra_gsy on
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Task Response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the prompt. Make sure to provide a balanced view of the topic, considering both the positive and negative aspects of the increased opportunities for women. Also, support your ideas with specific examples and evidence to enhance the depth of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a good overall coherence and cohesion. However, to further improve, consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas across paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of the essay and provide a clear stance on the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite