IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people strongly oppose animal experimentation, believing that it causes pain to animals, while some other people consider it necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #experimentation #pain #animals
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over animal-based testing.
While
 some people extremely disagree with animal experimentation, the other makes a statement that it is significant. Personally, I would consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
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an advocate of the former idea. Without a shadow of a doubt,
animals
 act as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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indispensable
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 for scientific testing to contribute to the sake of
humans
, but not all kinds of meat play
such
 an important role. To be more specific, because meat available in supermarkets for people’s consumption is produced by industrial agriculture.
In other words
, with the intense use of modern technology and mass production techniques, the produced livestock, poultry or fish cannot be taken as ordinary
animals
 but only as manufactured goods.
Hence
,
it is clear that
 industrial farming is essential to address food supply problems and starvation.
On the other hand
, there is little chance of finding satisfying substitutions for
animals
. Animal experiments are used mainly because they bear a close resemblance to
humans
, either in
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 or in cell structures. Particularly, they respond to external disturbances nearly in the same manner as
humans
 do. There is much evidence that most of what people know about themselves, including pain, stress, reproduction and nutrition, is based on animal-based experiments.
Therefore
, it proves to be one of the main approaches to predict the risk when drugs or other products are used on
humans
. In conclusion, experiments on
animals
 for testing medicines play a vital role in the development of the well-being of
humans
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments directly address the prompt. Your current essay does not fully discuss the arguments for and against animal experimentation sufficiently.
task achievement
Make sure your reasons and examples directly support your arguments about animal experimentation rather than veering off-topic. Your mention of industrial farming, while somewhat related, does not directly support the debate on animal experimentation's necessity and ethical considerations.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph coherence by ensuring each paragraph discusses a single main idea. The essay occasionally mixes different points, which can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by appropriately organizing your points and making sure they flow logically from one to another. Your second point about meat and industrial farming is less relevant to the topic and disrupts the essay's flow.
task achievement
Your introduction sets up the debate well and clearly states your stance.
task achievement
You provided some good reasons and referenced evidence about animals' importance in scientific experiments.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, which helps with the overall organization.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main point about the importance of animal experimentation for human well-being.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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