IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation
The proportion of elderly
people
 to youngsters has been changing annually all over the world. There is currently a contentious argument over whether having a larger number of youths than ancestors would be beneficial. In my point of view, I completely agree with
this
, and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples. The first and foremost reason is our young blood is very energetic, bold, and innovative, as they can make revolutionary inventions.
For example
, they have the mental and physical fitness to produce efficient
work
.
Thus
, the young mind can think faster than the old one as they are very fresh and active which has the capability to attain new
experience
 and knowledge. Most company owners prefer to appoint teenagers or freshers to
work
 in their company
due to
 their full effort of
work
.
Secondly
, young
people
 have the tendency to take risks and achieve their goals,
whereas
 elderly
people
 don't.
For instance
, some factories and companies are still working
according to
 the old-fashioned model
due to
 not updating to the new trend. In
this
 case, hiring a young one may help to produce new ideas to improve the company.
In contrast
, having older
people
 may be helpful
due to
 their lifetime
experience
, which can be beneficial in several ways. They can teach young ones through their
experience
 to prevent them from danger. To sum it up, A high percentage of young may
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 to produce full-force
work
 and have the ability to take risks.
On the other hand
, elderly
people
 can assist things with their past
experience
, which will be more beneficial for society.
Submitted by akmaljeely on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: