IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Are any of the courses learned by children necessary? There are schoolchildren who have some difficulties in learning some lessons like mathematics and attitude, and these matters are on the curriculum of the schools and they should be taught. I believe that,
although
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 everyone has to learn these subjects somehow, it should not be a must for the advanced matched of these courses. Some subjects flow through our lives, and despite their difficulties, heir should become familiar with them. In mathematics,
for instance
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, if someone cannot calculate a simple equation, not only are they unable to handle their living, but
also
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 they are easily fraud. Math is needed
while
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 we go shopping to adjust our costs and income.
Furthermore
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, when we pay for something, we have to know how much exchange the purchaser should return. Philosophy is another example
that is
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 better for everyone to know it. It helps us to encounter unexpected happens and deal with them more thoughtfully. Lessons like philosophy help us to expand our horizons which leads to making more precise decisions.
Thus
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, learning
such
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 topics at the basic or intermediate match would be helpful.
On the other hand
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, schools or institutes teach some difficult lessons compulsorily at high levels which results in some consequences.
Firstly
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, the scion may become stressed and anxious, leading to health issues, lack of concentration, and low confidence. It has been seen that people who endure tough situations in their lives have much more problems like dismal and depression.
Secondly
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, children struggling with understanding hard topics, lose the opportunity to find their interests and continue to follow their dreams. In conclusion, enrolling on tough courses like Mathematics and philosophy could be obligatory at a fundamental match to enable children in their lives,
however
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, it is better that advanced levels of those topics are considered voluntary to allow the offspring to find their pursuits and avoid stress. As I mentioned earlier, maybe it is beneficial for heir to grasp these forced issues just as much as they will need in the future.

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task response
The response does not fully address the task and lacks clarity in presenting a position. There is also a need for better organization of ideas and stronger development of the main points. It is important to carefully read and understand the task prompt, and to clearly state your position in the introduction. When providing examples, make sure they are relevant and support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more developed and provide better closure to the essay. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that supporting details are relevant and well-organized.
lexical resource
There is a limited range of vocabulary, and some inaccuracies and repetitive word choices are present. To enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, including synonyms and more precise terms. Also, pay attention to using words appropriately and accurately, and avoid repeating the same words or phrases.
grammatical range
The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are instances of errors in grammar and punctuation. It is important to work on sentence variety, accuracy, and punctuation to convey ideas clearly and effectively. To improve grammatical range, practice constructing a range of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation rules.
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