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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel tor a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #tor #year #school #university #studies
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In some places around the world, youngsters are supported to find some
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 and experiences
such
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 as working or travelling after they graduate from high school.
This
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assay
Correct your spelling
essay
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 will provide both advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 statement and give some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 the options.
To begin
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 with, some benefits of youth are encouraged to work or travel. Young people can find the way by themselves before
decide
Change the verb form
deciding
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 about their future.
In addition
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, they will know what they want to be and
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
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 to do it in the future.
While
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 can support them, they will courage to do something without fear.
For instance
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, some students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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go
for aboard
Rephrase
abroad
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 to learn
new
Change preposition
about new
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 cultures and new
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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.
This
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is use
Wrong verb form
uses
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 a lot of money and they need to have financial support from their parent.
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages of working or travelling after finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high school. Some people believe that it will be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 time and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 instant
starting
Wrong verb form
start
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 to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
Use synonyms
 first.
For example
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, in Thailand, the older generation
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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to
Change preposition
that
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 their child
should
Verb problem
apply
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graduate from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
Use synonyms
 and
company
Correct article usage
the company
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also
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will hiring
Wrong verb form
hires
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 employees who graduated from the high range of
university
Use synonyms
 in the age
under
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of under
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 25 years.
As a result
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, some youth decide to
entry
Replace the word
enter
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 to
university
Use synonyms
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the culture in some
firm
Fix the agreement mistake
firms
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. In conclusion, some people believe that supporting
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
Fix the infinitive
to finds
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finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
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 some knowledge or experience by working or travelling is the best way that they can grow up. From my point of view, encouraging youngsters can find themselves
that
Correct word choice
what
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 they like to do and want to be is the best way because
of
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 is their life. The parent cannot support them for their whole life.
Submitted by youn.21 on

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