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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel tor a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #tor #year #school #university #studies
In some places around the world, youngsters are supported to find some
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and experiences
such
 as working or travelling after they graduate from high school.
This
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
 will provide both advantages and disadvantages of
this
 statement and give some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the options.
To begin
 with, some benefits of youth are encouraged to work or travel. Young people can find the way by themselves before
decide
Change the verb form
deciding
show examples
 about their future.
In addition
, they will know what they want to be and
happy
Add a missing verb
be happy
show examples
 to do it in the future.
While
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 can support them, they will courage to do something without fear.
For instance
, some students
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go
for aboard
Rephrase
abroad
show examples
 to learn
new
Change preposition
about new
show examples
 cultures and new
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
.
This
is use
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
 a lot of money and they need to have financial support from their parent.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages of working or travelling after finishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school. Some people believe that it will be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 time and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 instant
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 first.
For example
, in Thailand, the older generation
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 their child
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
graduate from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
 and
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
also
will hiring
Wrong verb form
hires
show examples
 employees who graduated from the high range of
university
 in the age
under
Change preposition
of under
show examples
 25 years.
As a result
, some youth decide to
entry
Replace the word
enter
show examples
 to
university
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the culture in some
firm
Fix the agreement mistake
firms
show examples
. In conclusion, some people believe that supporting
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
Fix the infinitive
to finds
show examples
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
 some knowledge or experience by working or travelling is the best way that they can grow up. From my point of view, encouraging youngsters can find themselves
that
Correct word choice
what
show examples
 they like to do and want to be is the best way because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is their life. The parent cannot support them for their whole life.
Submitted by youn.21 on

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