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Band 6

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think that there are more affective methods. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#gym #affective #methods
Humans are becoming to look after for
health
 problems and to prevent
health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 from going to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 can lead to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 fit
whereas
 not only others think that it is necessary to go to the
gym
 but
also
 have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of ways to do
this
. In my opinion, do exercise which can be done everywhere. As long as they determine always bedside. It can not be denied that a gymnasium where individuals can practise some workout lessons may
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
not give upon soon. The
gym
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has ample trainers to support encourage for motivate students.
Besides
, throughout the course of losing weight each other regularly different to fit up with them. The trainer can understand both students and their bodies to do a suitable lecture.
Nevertheless
, some
people
 can not afford numerous extravagant fees so
that is
 a drawback of the
gym
.
On the other hand
, it is not
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sole choice to make a body better. Many
people
 will change or at least alter their sports field in all life
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to refresh hustle and hustle life. Even those who feel that fitness should not suitable choice for them. Meanwhile, the world is constantly changing
annual
Change the word
annually
show examples
 year, so why do
people
 opt for the lesson fitness they don't like? Even if mental
health
 is one of the factorial main requires relaxation and recollection of mind to be immersed in nature and become an athlete person holding themselves accountable.
To conclude
, mental
health
 and physical body can be affected by a healthy lifestyle in order to stay active all day to get disease prevention and maybe
hit
Wrong verb form
hitting
show examples
 the
gym
 is not convenient for all
people
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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