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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think mobile phones are most useful for their professional lives, whereas others think mobiles phones are most useful in their personal life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #phones #lives #mobiles #life
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Few people argue that mobile usage is often helpful in a professional
life
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,
while
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 others believe it to be more helpful in a personal
life
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. Even though mobiles play a vital role in both
lives
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, I believe it is leaning more towards personal
life
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 than the career.
Firstly
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, people give priority towards their personal well-being and
life
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 than to professional
life
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 as it is just a part of the day-to-day
activities
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 which help them in
earing
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earning
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 money. But the majority of their
life
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 is spent towards their personal
life
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 like communication with family, friends, and well-wishers over the phone.
In addition
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 to these people
use
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 it for entertainment purposes like listening to music, seeing online videos, and connecting over social media to post or read some trends.
In addition
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 to these, we are using the mobile for personal storage like documents, educational certificates, reminders of birthdays and special events, alarming, going through the news, and getting photos.
For instance
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, we
use
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 our mobile phones more often in day-to-day
activities
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 to keep up with the trends related to any field and help ourselves to keep a note of important events.
On the other hand
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, using it for the professional
lives
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 would be barely minimal like sending messages or calling to the peers, emailing to the clients, meeting remainders and sharing some important documents over a mail. We hardly
use
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 it for 4 to 5
activities
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, compared to the list of
activities
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 which we
use
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it
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apply
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for our personal
lives
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 mobile phones are widely used in both lifestyles. I would strongly believe, that it would be more useful for our personal
lives
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.
Submitted by nlchiranth11 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more relevant examples and real-life scenarios. This can enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider connecting your ideas more seamlessly between paragraphs. Transitions can help the essay flow better.
task achievement
Include more detailed points on how mobile phones impact professional lives to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay topic.
task achievement
You provided a good distinction between personal and professional use of mobile phones, which helps in addressing both aspects of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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