IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phone #places
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Nowadays, Technology has developed widely so it has become a crucial part of our day. Some people think that mobile
phones
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 promote
sclusion
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seclusion
inclusion
 behaviour and they should be banned in some regions. I firmly disagree with that notion. In recent years, humans and their
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 have become
inseperable
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inseparable
, as they depend on mobiles in their daily tasks.
This
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 is because
in
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,in
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this
Linking Words
 technological era,
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 have made our lives easier. Starting from waking up and checking the clock, or e-mails to see if there are new messages from friends or work, to virtual
meeting
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meetings
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in
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at
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 home with clients or colleagues.
In addition
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,
phones
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 remind us
with
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of
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 essential appointments and tasks, that
human
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the human
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 mind can
usally
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usually
forgets
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forget
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.
For instance
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, in the middle of
this
Linking Words
fast paced
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fast-paced
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 life, normally important schedules can be overlooked, but with new applications like e-calendar, meetings can not be forgotten.
Moreover
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,
screen
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time
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 on
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 can be limited, so it is not considered
as
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apply
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an
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apply
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antisocial behaviour.
Instead
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 of banning it entirely. There are
application
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applications
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 that monitor your
screen
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time
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, and if someone exceeded his daily
screen
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 limit, the phone would close automatically for a certain
time
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.
For example
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, apps
such
Linking Words
 as
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time observer
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Time Observer
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is
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are
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 great for that purpose, you can set the
time
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 you want to spend on the cellphone and if you reach that
time
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, the
screen
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 goes off. If people were allowed to spend limitless
time
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 on their mobiles, it would have a devastating impact
on
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in
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 the long term. In conclusion, It can be reiterated that mobile
phones
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 can be
addictive
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as addictive
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 as smoking, and some people think they should be banned from
a certain areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
certain areas
a certain area
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. But it is not recommended to ban
smart
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smartphones
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phones
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 as they form an essential part of our lives.
Linking Words
Instead
Add a comma
,Instead
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 we can minimize the
time
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 spent using it.
Submitted by islam_biologist on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
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