IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural peoples are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #peoples #cities #population #countryside #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is an ongoing trend of
people
Use synonyms
 moving out of their hometowns in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 careers in the more populated
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 tendency is negatively affecting many countries around the world
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 the developing ones. I think
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has a deleterious impact on the quality of life, the economy and the environment of both the rural and the central
areas
Use synonyms
, and it will continue to do so as long as most
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 jobs and opportunities are more distributed in the bigger towns. In the more populated
cities
Use synonyms
, when an influx of
people
Use synonyms
 move to work, study and live there, accommodations become scarce and more expensive.
This
Linking Words
 is clearly seen in slums where the number of
housings
Fix the agreement mistake
housing
show examples
 is
conversely
Linking Words
 proportional to the number of
people
Use synonyms
. It will
also
Linking Words
 bring about more criminal activities like theft and drug abuse,
as well as
Linking Words
 more prevalence of contagious diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, environmental
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 worsened in busy
areas
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 consume more products and release more
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
. An obvious example would be the PM 2.5 air pollution
that is
Linking Words
 becoming a serious health threat in many capital
cities
Use synonyms
 with unsolved traffic congestions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
 workforce is leaving the rural
areas
Use synonyms
, a stagnation in suburban development will ensue. There would be less educated
people
Use synonyms
 living in the poorer
areas
Use synonyms
 to improve their towns in many aspects, including educational systems, jurisdiction systems, and security.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there would be less labour to carry on agricultural work which is the major source of income in the faraway provinces.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that too much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
migrational
Replace the word
migration
show examples
 flow to the bigger
cities
Use synonyms
 contributes
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 social problems both in the major
cities
Use synonyms
 and the rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 problem should be emphasized and solutions should be made to distribute more jobs and opportunities to
people
Use synonyms
 in the country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can have good quality of life no matter where they live.
Submitted by mookdarat.s on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: