Some children spend hours evryday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #evryday #smartphones #case #development

Nowadays, there is no denying that adolescents

use

their mobile phones for a long period of

time

on a daily basis.

This

trend is phenomenal in many countries around the world.

This

behaviour contributes to many negative impacts on both the

children

and societies, as I will discuss in

this

following essay. The tendency of youngsters

using

Change the verb form

to use

show examples

more smartphones may stem from the feasibility of obtaining the devices since phone companies are making cheaper, varied, and more attractive communication products,

as well as

broader coverage of internet connections. We can see that

children

are allowed to own cell phones at younger ages, and sometimes their phone usage is not properly supervised by their guardians. Many times teenagers stay up very late at night playing online games, watching series, or chatting with their friends.

This

not only affects the younger generation but

also

the communities. There are numerous drawbacks

from

Change preposition

show examples

this

issue.

Firstly

, spending too much

time

on mobile phones worsens

children

's physical and mental health.

This

is observed in many schoolchildren who experience chronic eye strain, poor attention span, and obesity

due to

a lack of outdoor activities.

Secondly

, being online for too long can deprive

children

of the

time

that they should normally

use

for studying.

Lastly

, the young may be exposed to uncensored

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

that can lead to problematic behaviours, including pornography, bullying, and violence.

To sum up

, an increasing number of

children

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

spending too much

time

on their smartphones and I strongly believe that

this

affects them negatively in multiple ways. Parents, schools, and governments have to come up with strategies to control and guide our younger generation to

use

this

technology appropriately,

as well as

make online society safer for them to

use

Submitted by mookdarat.s on Sun Sep 03 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend hours evryday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extant do the advantage of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?.