What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that today’s younger generation tends to spend more time on non-physical activities
such
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as playing computer games and just watching TV at home, resulting in being less active than the generation of their parents or grandparents. I strongly disagree with
this
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statement because it has become easier for the youth to access athletic facilities with a cheaper
membership
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fee and because social
media
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has been playing an important role in raising their awareness of their health.
To begin
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with, nowadays, we can see a large number of athletic facilities
such
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as gyms in our neighbourhood.
This
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can contribute to easier access to those kinds of institutions.
In addition
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, compared to the 1900s, a monthly
membership
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fee on average has become more reasonable.
For example
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, in Japan, the number of people aged from 20 to 30 who obtained a gym
membership
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has increased dramatically with about a 30% increase over a period of 50 years after there was an increase in the number of gyms and a decrease in the amount of payment for
membership
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.
Moreover
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, technological development
such
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as social
media
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significantly affected the younger generation in terms of motivation.
This
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is because the progress in technology allows us to get stimulated more readily and effectively.
According to
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a public opinion poll conducted by the Japanese government in 2020, a majority of the youth tend to get easily influenced by their favourite influencers, resulting in starting an exercise like the people
in
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on
show examples
social
media
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do in the hope of becoming an ideal body shape or appearance like them. In conclusion, there is an argument saying that these days, few adolescents participate in athletic activities compared to people in the past
due to
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technological development.
However
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, I totally disagree with the viewpoint because of the increase in sports facilities and because of more opportunities to get motivated by their favourite figures on social
media
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.

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Task Response
Your introduction is clear and states your position well. However, try to make your thesis statement more specific about the points you will discuss.
Task Response
Some ideas are well explained, but others could use more detail. Make sure to develop all points clearly to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well organized, but improving the linking phrases between ideas can enhance flow. Use words like 'firstly,' 'in addition,' or 'finally' to help connect your ideas.
Task Response
Ensure that all examples are directly relevant and add value to your argument. More specific statistics or examples would make your points stronger.
Task Response
You have a clear position throughout the essay, which makes your argument easy to follow. This is a strong point.
Task Response
The examples provided, particularly regarding gym membership increases, are relevant and illustrate your point well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • leisure activities
  • digital technology
  • urban living
  • academic pressure
  • distractions
  • tech-savvy
  • exercise-oriented apps
  • fitness and health awareness
  • gym workouts
  • cycling
  • yoga
  • inactive lifestyles
  • generational differences
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