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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main fitures and make comparisons where relevant
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The diagram gives data about the alterations of West Park Secondary School
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 its first condition in 1950 to the latest condition in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is an obvious fact that the playground and the main road
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 retained
while
Linking Words
 some buildings were constructed in three various years.
According to
Linking Words
 the diagram, in comparison between 1950 and 1980, the most eye-catching change was that houses were taken down to build
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 park area and science block of
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 building.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 1980, another striking modification was
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
 field that was constructed
instead
Linking Words
 of farmland next to
playground
Add an article
the playground
a playground
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year, the main road
was remained
Change to the active voice
remained
show examples
 the same.
In addition
Linking Words
,
comparison
Correct article usage
a comparison
show examples
 between 1980 and 2010 years was taken into consideration, the most eye-catching modification was car park area was enlarged
while
Linking Words
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
 field was diminished.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 road, playground field, the buildings of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 and
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 block were retained in 2010 too.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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