These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour.do you agree or disagree?

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The increases in
violence
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programs
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are a controversial issue all over the world. I personally believe that the amount of
violence
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TV shows might affect children's attitudes is totally unacceptable for very important reasons.
Firstly
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, I believe that television
violence
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is wrong because the youngest who watch it may imitate the aggressive behaviours they see on screen. Most people would agree that the harmful actions of youngsters are rising in school nowadays.
This
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is because what they watched in their free time made them more likely to accept it as normal behaviour. When we were younger,
for instance
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, we were curious to make everything in real life and observe the outcome on our own. Another crucial reason why I think that allowing children to watch violent
programs
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is wrong is because it may increase fear and anxiety. It is a well-known fact that people at an early age are more likely to take everything as real; they are not divided between fiction and reality, which means it might impact their
overall
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mental health. In my opinion,
this
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would lead to a weaker generation.
However
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, there are those who say that allowing young people to see
violence
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on TV
programs
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is acceptable because they have to know about what happened or may happen in the world. Yet,
this
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is not really justifiable because it might increase stress for them. In conclusion, for the above reasons,
it is clear that
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there are extremely strong reasons to support the view that allowing children to see violent
programs
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is clearly detrimental to their mental health and may affect their attitudes.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and addresses the issue comprehensively. However, try to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your ideas to enhance flow. You used linking words effectively but could add more complex structures.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported and logically structured, making your argument easy to follow.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitizes
  • imitate
  • aggressive behaviors
  • fear and anxiety
  • overall mental health
  • social skills
  • increased aggression
  • healthy relationships
  • academic performance
  • increased stress
  • distraction
  • negative influence
  • exposure to violence
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