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Band 8.5

It is important for people to take risk, both in professional lives and personal lives. Do you think advantage of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives #advantage #risks
Taking risks is believed to be vital in the career and lifestyle of people. It seems to me that the cons of
this
 issue outweigh the pros, In
this
 essay, I will discuss why support
this
 view and provide a conclusion. On the one hand, A lot of people attempt to take a leap of faith for the chance to receive a greater reward, even though
this
 action could affect their career and lifestyle. If 9-5 employee workers were to quit their routine jobs and pursue what they are passionate about
such
 as photography,
this
 could boost their productivity and emotional feelings.
This
 may be applicable to someone who would like to sell their house and rent an apartment
instead
 as there is freedom that comes with it.
However
, some jobs could be enjoyable for many, yet they tend to be impractical.
In addition
, others may perceive leasing as flexible in terms of location, but the sense of security is difficult to attain.
On the other hand
, an individual may experience a stagnant life if they refuse to gamble to what they already possess, rather than formulate what is ahead of them. A teacher
for instance
, despite the heavy workload and stress from students, stays to educate
due to
 the generous benefits and sustainable wages they receive from the government.
Conversely
, they choose to have a stable living in able to easily prepare for their long-term objectives,
such
 as retirement. As far as I'm concerned, worrying about the future is similar to running to nowhere, and having a concrete plan will significantly improve their motivation as they have something to look forward to. In conclusion,
although
 it is said that the greater rewards require greater risks, some of the options can be unrealistic and unsecured, and being able to plan ahead may provide people confidence in their future. It appears to me that the disadvantage outweighs the advantages of
this
 notion.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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Grammar and Style
To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures more to showcase a range of grammatical forms. This can add sophistication to your writing.
Content Enhancement
While your examples are relevant, aiming to include a wider range of real-world examples could add depth to your argument.
Structure
You’ve done an excellent job in structuring your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that are easy to follow.
Argument Support
Your main points are supported effectively, making your arguments persuasive and engaging.
Example Use
You've effectively incorporated relevant examples that add clarity and persuasiveness to your discussion.
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