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Writing Samples
Band 9

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve.

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The issue of what kind of environment should be provided by schools has long been a thorny
one
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.
While
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 many feel that the level of competitiveness found within education is excessive, others believe that it is necessary in order to inspire
children
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 to excel. The case against excessive competition in school is a compelling
one
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. By definition, not everyone can win a contest: where
one
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 child wins, another loses. Should a child lose consistently, he may be demotivated in his studies or dismissed by his peers, which could in turn lead to feelings of inadequacy and even a lack of drive later in
life
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.
Secondly
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, many believe that bringing out other qualities in
children
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 would be more beneficial.
For example
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, former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt strongly advocated the promotion of co-operation over competition as a far more useful
life
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 skill. Were it the case that
children
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 were taught to work with
instead
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 of against each other, they may go on to accomplish far more.
On the other hand
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, learning to compete has its benefits too. Many argue that it better prepares the next generation for the real world. Whether they are applying to a top university, seeking a new promotion, or running their own company, adult
life
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 is full of experiences where
one
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 is in competition with others. If pupils are primed for
this
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 from an early age, they are perhaps more likely to push themselves harder to succeed as adults. Take students from Asia as an example: they are often raised in an extremely competitive environment and,
as a result
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, tend to achieve more academically than western
children
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.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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this
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 is not a straightforward issue.
However
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, I believe that as much as learning to compete is an essential
life
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 skill in today’s world, co-operation between
children
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 should
also
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 be at the forefront of education to ensure a balanced future generation.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and effective structure, with an introduction that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the key points well.
logical structure
The argument is well-developed with logical progression of ideas and strong, supported main points.
complete response
The discussion is balanced, with a fair consideration of both sides of the argument. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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