IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is
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 argued that
exercise
Use synonyms
 is the main way of improving
health
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe that eating a nutritious meal is more beneficial. I believe that a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 is crucial, but the benefits of
exercise
Use synonyms
 should not be ignored. Eating a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 yields a host of benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who eat healthy food can maintain their body weight.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are not relying on too much sugar and carbohydrates which can lead to an increase in body fat.
For instance
Linking Words
, food that contains a mixture of fruits, vegetables and fibres fuels
people
Use synonyms
 longer.
This
Linking Words
 would mean less reliance on fatty and sugary food which prevents deterioration in physical
health
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 contributes more to a healthy lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 is because without
diet
Use synonyms
, exercising is pointless. To demonstrate
this
Linking Words
 point, studies have shown that the importance of
diet
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 in keeping the fat off is about 75% compared to
exercise
Use synonyms
 which is around 25%.
Finally
Linking Words
, a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 prevents late-night eating.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, exercising is crucial in preventing future
health
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-related problems.
People
Use synonyms
 who stay healthy by doing cardio, strength training and aerobic exercises live longer compared to those who remain inactive.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in Germany revealed that individuals who used to jog or run had fewer cardiovascular
health
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 issues compared to those who did not
exercise
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.
Furthermore
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, exercising is not only crucial for physical
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 for mental
health
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.
People
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 who participated in stimulating
exercise
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 activities had fewer difficulties with their mental state.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that exercising is vital for both mental and physical
health
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, but a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 is equally important.

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task achievement
To improve the essay further, consider developing the paragraphs with additional examples and elaboration on key points. This will provide a more comprehensive argument and make the essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, which fulfills the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a strong framework for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
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