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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows how rocks are created and destroyed in the rock cycle

The diagram illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of the rock cycle and how it is introduced and destroyed.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that there are 5 main stages to create and destroy rocks, which start from an
adult
Use synonyms
 who produces
eggs
Use synonyms
 and ends up becoming
Use synonyms
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, only the first stage of the
process
Use synonyms
 requires manual work, because the
adult
Use synonyms
 reproduce and wait for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 generation ,
such
Linking Words
 as
eggs
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others can be become by fast movement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
adult
Use synonyms
 of rock started to reproduce and introduce ,where he waited a durable time to reveal
eggs
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
eggs
Use synonyms
 are revealed for approximately 5 months and move to the next stage of the cycle. It becomes a larva with a small leg after 2 weeks.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 it really long time to reveal his leg. The next phase of
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 is called pupa
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when it rises with a small head and eyes.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 requires a durable time to become an
adult
Use synonyms
 , where it particularly has a right posture. Following that it starts to rise to adulthood for 2 years. Ultimately the
last
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 is performed successfully with many legs and fascinating wings.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
process
Use synonyms
 is repeated again as soon as
adult
Use synonyms
 rocks introduce
eggs
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, adult, eggs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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