IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sport #role #society #leisure #activity
Nowadays when
people
 discuss
this
 topic, they are often divided into two main groups. First society believes that activity with physical movement is the most important role that usually needs to be done.
On the contrary
, another group argues that sport is just an option for their free time. In the essay, I will elucidate both viewpoints in more detail and offer my personal opinions.
To begin
 with, numerous
people
 will strongly assume that doing
sports
 is required. There are many advantages to athletics.
For instance
, when someone wants to build up a good body appearance or keep away from heart and muscle problems, advising them to exercise is probably the best recommendation.
Moreover
, many
sports
 need to be played as a group, so
this
 type of activity can connect
people
 to create a network.
On the other hand
, a large number of
people
 from another point of view would rather spend their holiday in many individual activities
instead
 of the sport.
For example
, playing the music, watching the movie and painting artwork on their own.
As a result
, There is a requirement for some
sports
 that need a lot of
people
 unless we can not play, so sometimes it is not easy to select a date
that is
 suitable for everyone. In conclusion, both perspectives have their own reason to support. It's not wrong or right. In my opinion, we live in a city full of many different activities,
thus
sports
 is just an option for
people
 to choose from.
Furthermore
,
instead
 of selecting the same thing every weekend why don't we try on something new?
Submitted by nine318 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak and lacks coherence.
task achievement
The essay lacks a comprehensive and clear response to the task, and the specific examples are not particularly relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national unity
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social change
  • gender equality
  • social integration
  • disadvantaged communities
  • cultural barriers
  • escapism
  • commercialization
  • viewership
  • merchandise sales
  • inclusivity
  • accessibility
  • nationalistic fervor
  • racism
  • marginalization
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