IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays when
people
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 discuss
this
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 topic, they are often divided into two main groups. First society believes that activity with physical movement is the most important role that usually needs to be done.
On the contrary
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, another group argues that sport is just an option for their free time. In the essay, I will elucidate both viewpoints in more detail and offer my personal opinions.
To begin
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 with, numerous
people
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 will strongly assume that doing
sports
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 is required. There are many advantages to athletics.
For instance
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, when someone wants to build up a good body appearance or keep away from heart and muscle problems, advising them to exercise is probably the best recommendation.
Moreover
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, many
sports
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 need to be played as a group, so
this
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 type of activity can connect
people
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 to create a network.
On the other hand
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, a large number of
people
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 from another point of view would rather spend their holiday in many individual activities
instead
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 of the sport.
For example
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, playing the music, watching the movie and painting artwork on their own.
As a result
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, There is a requirement for some
sports
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 that need a lot of
people
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 unless we can not play, so sometimes it is not easy to select a date
that is
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 suitable for everyone. In conclusion, both perspectives have their own reason to support. It's not wrong or right. In my opinion, we live in a city full of many different activities,
thus
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sports
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 is just an option for
people
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 to choose from.
Furthermore
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,
instead
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 of selecting the same thing every weekend why don't we try on something new?

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is weak and lacks coherence.
task achievement
The essay lacks a comprehensive and clear response to the task, and the specific examples are not particularly relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national unity
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social change
  • gender equality
  • social integration
  • disadvantaged communities
  • cultural barriers
  • escapism
  • commercialization
  • viewership
  • merchandise sales
  • inclusivity
  • accessibility
  • nationalistic fervor
  • racism
  • marginalization
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