Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #aim

Nowadays, many people think that kids should get the best results for what they do. Meanwhile, others argue that it is not necessary for them to do so. These two opposing viewpoints have sparked a lot of debates. In

this

essay, I will look at the issue from both sides. From my point of view, I think it is imperative for the youth to put in the necessary effort in whatever they do. To commence with, the great efforts improve the quality of the population. Once teenagers have determined their own path, they will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals.

For example

, a child has a dream of becoming a successful businessman, and in order to make it come true,

this

child will definitely study hard to broaden his horizons. In the future,

this

child will become a productive person and join forces in promoting the community.

In addition

, a big goal can change the way

children

think and act. From simple thoughts to deeper thoughts, they gradually form in the minds of

children

when they think big. They will become more confident, independent and responsible. ieltsxpress ieltsxpress

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However

, some adults believe that their

adolescence

Fix the agreement mistake

adolescents

show examples

may have developmental and health problems if they are too stressed out to try to achieve their goals. Modern

children

have a boring daily routine. They only go to school,

then

graduate and return home, but continue to study. They learn like

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

machine

Fix the agreement mistake

machines

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, they do not participate in fewer outdoor activities,

their

Correct word choice

and their

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days are not as

colorful

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colourful

show examples

as many other

children

Also

, when they spend all their time sitting and studying, they can have many health problems,

according to

WHO. ielts

xpress

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express

To conclude

, the issue is still half-finished.

Children

may get better, but they may

also

have health issues.

However

, they should still have ambition in the work, for it is better than in vain and lost.

Submitted by harshitkaur321 on Thu Mar 28 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Continue to explore various sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essays.

Task Response

Strive for a more diverse range of vocabulary, particularly in expressing opinions and conclusions, to make your points even more compelling.

Task Response

For even greater impact, consider incorporating more detailed and personalized examples that vividly support your arguments.

Task Response

Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and the rationale behind them, reinforcing your overall stance on the topic.

General Remark

Remember, occasional minimal inaccuracies are entirely acceptable; they don't detract from the overall excellence of your work.

Task Response

You have successfully provided a balanced discussion of both perspectives, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay showcases an effective structure with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, enhancing the overall clarity and impact.

Task Response

Your use of relevant examples to support your points is commendable; it adds depth and persuasiveness to your argumentation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

325 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

striving for excellence
discipline
perseverance
competitive
reduces pressure
balanced development
fosters creativity
realistic goals
adverse mental health outcomes
achievable aspirations
balanced approach
participation
enjoyment
societal and cultural impact
understanding of success

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Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, more and more people tend to live individually. What are the causes of this trend? Does this have a positive or negative effect on society?

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries, students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. Why is that the case? What could be done to tackle the issue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification.

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some think that the other type of progress is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.