Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Nowadays, many people think that kids should get the best results for what they do. Meanwhile, others argue that it is not necessary for them to do so. These two opposing viewpoints have sparked a lot of debates. In
this
essay, I will look at the issue from both sides. From my point of view, I think it is imperative for the youth to put in the necessary effort in whatever they do.
To commence with, the great efforts improve the quality of the population. Once teenagers have determined their own path, they will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. For example
, a child has a dream of becoming a successful businessman, and in order to make it come true, this
child will definitely study hard to broaden his horizons. In the future, this
child will become a productive person and join forces in promoting the community. In addition
, a big goal can change the way children
think and act. From simple thoughts to deeper thoughts, they gradually form in the minds of children
when they think big. They will become more confident, independent and responsible. ieltsxpress
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However
, some adults believe that their adolescence
may have developmental and health problems if they are too stressed out to try to achieve their goals. Modern Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
children
have a boring daily routine. They only go to school, then
graduate and return home, but continue to study. They learn like a
Correct article usage
apply
machine
, they do not participate in fewer outdoor activities, Fix the agreement mistake
machines
their
days are not as Correct word choice
and their
colorful
as many other Change the spelling
colourful
children
. Also
, when they spend all their time sitting and studying, they can have many health problems, according to
WHO. ielts xpress
Correct your spelling
express
To conclude
, the issue is still half-finished. Children
may get better, but they may also
have health issues. However
, they should still have ambition in the work, for it is better than in vain and lost.Submitted by harshitkaur321 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to explore various sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essays.
Task Response
Strive for a more diverse range of vocabulary, particularly in expressing opinions and conclusions, to make your points even more compelling.
Task Response
For even greater impact, consider incorporating more detailed and personalized examples that vividly support your arguments.
Task Response
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and the rationale behind them, reinforcing your overall stance on the topic.
General Remark
Remember, occasional minimal inaccuracies are entirely acceptable; they don't detract from the overall excellence of your work.
Task Response
You have successfully provided a balanced discussion of both perspectives, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay showcases an effective structure with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, enhancing the overall clarity and impact.
Task Response
Your use of relevant examples to support your points is commendable; it adds depth and persuasiveness to your argumentation.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
