IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that adversiting is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
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The dominance of social media has led to the widespread usage of
advertisements
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 on those platforms.
As a result
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, many Internet users are captivated by online
commercials
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.
Therefore
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, it is believed that advertising is tremendously successful at convincing people to purchase goods.
However
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, there is a belief that
commercials
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 are so popular that no one pays attention to them. Through
this
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 essay, I will analyse both views and deliver my perspective.
To begin
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 with, the main reasons for the advertising success are their popularity and the art of selecting their
customers
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. The merchants have noticed the limitless potential of exploiting the internet to bring their products’ images closer to the consumers.
For instance
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, Facebook and YouTube are now operating a lot of
advertisements
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 on their platforms to increase their income.
Besides
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, the marketing department of every product
also
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 makes the images more conspicuous so that the consumers would be convinced to buy. Through the media, the market will acquire information about users’ purposes of going online.
Hence
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, they could suggest which merchandise will be suitable for the
customers
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.
On the other hand
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, redundant and false
advertisements
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 have resulted in a decrease in attention among humanity. The quantity of
advertisements
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 is increasing dramatically as companies desire to have a thriving revenue index.
Thus
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, the
customers
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 will feel annoyed if those
commercials
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 keep interrupting them
such
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 as the appearances of
commercials
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while
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 people are listening to music on Spotify. Since, they must pay for a subscription in order not to be disrupted by
commercials
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, which made users irritated .
In addition
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, the
customers
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 may have ordered goods from a company that they have watched through online
advertisements
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.
However
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, when they receive the merchandise, they feel disappointed about the quality because it does not match the price. Following that, users will ignore other
advertisements
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 since they believe that the others will be the same as the previous one. In conclusion, I personally that advertising is now so ubiquitous that they are drawing no attention to society
due to
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 the redundancy and the low quality.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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Task Achievement
Provide more balanced arguments by addressing counterarguments
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear essay structure with clear topic sentences and relevant supporting examples
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a range of more advanced words and phrases
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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