IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

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Since the beginning of the industrial revolution, searching for non-renewable
energy
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 supplies has been seriously rising across the world. Some scientists support exploring new regions of the globe to locate more petroleum,
while
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 others are against
this
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 strategy. I totally disagree with the idea of searching for more of these kinds of power
resources
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. In
this
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 essay, I will refer to some studies to explain the dangerous effects of digging for more petroleum.
To begin
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, environmental problems are increasing directly with the increase of petroleum industries, and global warming is a perfect example of what
such
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 kinds of
energy
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resources
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 can do.
Moreover
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, the reduction in green spaces and vegetation is
also
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 going side to side with the elevating dependency on depletable sources of
energy
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.
In addition
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 to
this
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, a study published at Harvard University in 2021, demonstrated that green spaces have decreased by 40% since 2016,
while
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 at the same time, the ozone hole has grown to two times the size before six years.
Furthermore
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, the process of producing
energy
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 from oil and gas requires a huge amount of money, making it an economic challenge for many countries.
In contrast
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, unlimited
energy
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resources
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such
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 as solar, wind, and hydropower necessitate much lesser funds to transform these natural limitless
resources
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 into other types of
energy
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 that we need.
For instance
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, a German study that was published at Munich University showed that 21 manufacturers in Frankfurt city which used solar power have saved 70% of their operational cost and improved their incomes by 50% in two years.
To conclude
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, depending on non-renewable
energy
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 will definitely lead to uncontrollable circumstances, and sooner or later, oil and gas will be out of service. Renewable natural
energy
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 is the key to a better cleaner future. And I think governments should start changing their orientations

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task achievement
While your essay's arguments are well-articulated and make a strong case, you could enhance the discussion by addressing potential counterarguments briefly and refuting them.
task achievement
Your ideas are expressed clearly and are easy to follow; however, try to vary your sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
Consider making the transition between paragraphs smoother. Each paragraph is well-organized, but linking sentences at the beginning or end could improve flow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is strong but could be made even more impactful by summarizing the main points briefly before asserting your final opinion.
task achievement
You effectively used data and studies to support your main points, making your arguments more credible.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your choice of vocabulary and expression levels is appropriate and showcases a good command of the English language.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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