It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that

children

Use synonyms

are forced to

study

Use synonyms

both local and world

history

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay will explain why I totally agree that

children

Use synonyms

just need to

study

Use synonyms

their nation's

history

Use synonyms

Admittedly, there is good reason to say that

children

Use synonyms

do not need to

study

Use synonyms

history

Use synonyms

from all over the world.

To begin

Linking Words

with, studying too much knowledge may be senseless.

For instance

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who do not tend to

study

Use synonyms

or go abroad may find

this

Linking Words

information

Use synonyms

unnecessary. They do not need to use them,

therefore

Linking Words

, they do not need to put resources into learning them.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they

study

Use synonyms

worldwide

history

Use synonyms

just to attain better academic results and be a high-performing student.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

knowledge does not help them to have a sense of job security at a later stage of life

In addition

Linking Words

, there is

also

Linking Words

a compelling reason to say that it is adequate for

children

Use synonyms

to learn about their own countries'

history

Use synonyms

. First and foremost, students may struggle to remember all the knowledge. They can not summon up all

this

Linking Words

information

Use synonyms

thus

Linking Words

those ones will leave people unable to find interest in studying

history

Use synonyms

. To illustrate, Vietnamese students may not feel Japanese

history

Use synonyms

is fascinating. They may find it difficult to memorize the Japanese government's names and even their special occasions. Local

history

Use synonyms

will be more familiar than

history

Use synonyms

from all over the world.

Consequently

Linking Words

, it will make them dredge up

information

Use synonyms

easier than ever In conclusion, students are coerced to learn worldwide

history

Use synonyms

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, it is too much for them to

study

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

its wide

information

Use synonyms

chi

Sep 7, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Task Response: The essay does not fully address the prompt and does not provide a balanced view. The writer needs to consider both sides of the argument and present a clear opinion with supporting points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are not effectively supported with relevant examples and there is a lack of logical progression of ideas. The writer should focus on organizing ideas coherently and using cohesive devices to link ideas together.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Nowadays, older people who need employment must compete with younger people. What problems does this cause, and what are the solutions?
Since the beginning of the 21st century, there is a competition between old and young people for employment. This essay intends to analyse the problems this causes along with possible solutions to mitigate them.
7.5
band
There are many ways to find a job: newspaper advertisements, internet job search web sites, and personal recommendations. What do you think is the best way to find a job? Give reasons or examples to support your opinion.
It cannot be denied that there are several options available to hunt for a vacancy. paper advisements, online and references are different ways to research for an appointment. As far as I am concerned I believe that in the era of digitalization official sites are the best way to get a desired position.
6.5
band
You should spend 20 minuts on this task A friend you made while you where studying aboard has witten to ask you for help in finding a job in your country. You have heard about a job in a local company that might be suitable for him/her. Write a letter to this friend, in your letter tell your friend about the job and what sort of work it involves say why you think the job would be suitable for him/her explain how to apply for the job You do not need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ............,
Hope that you and your family are doing well,
8
band
In many countries students who leave high school have no understanding of how to manage their money. Why is this case? What can be done to improve students' understanding of how to manage personal finance?
Students who graduate from high school have no knowledge of managing wealth across many nations. One primary cause is that knowledge is undervalued, and sharing enlightening information about the benefits can be a viable solution at school.
7.5
band
You are starting a new business and need to build a website. You have a friend who works for an IT company who you want to help you. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter •describe your new business •ask your friend to help you build the website •say how you will thank your friend for his/her help.
I hope this email finds you in good health and you are doing well. I am very pleased to let you know that I am going to start a new venture next month and I need your cooperation to build a website for my business.

It is more important for school children to learn about their local history than the world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, older people who need employment must compete with younger people. What problems does this cause, and what are the solutions?

There are many ways to find a job: newspaper advertisements, internet job search web sites, and personal recommendations. What do you think is the best way to find a job? Give reasons or examples to support your opinion.

In many countries students who leave high school have no understanding of how to manage their money. Why is this case? What can be done to improve students' understanding of how to manage personal finance?