IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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It is true that in today's modern
world
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, widespread famine and
food
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 shortages still exist in many parts of the planet despite many breakthroughs in agricultural development.
This
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 essay will highlight several primary causes and suggest some measures that the government and anti-hunger organizations could take to combat
this
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 problem. One of the major causes that contribute to
food
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 shortages is the
climate
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change
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. Extreme weather events
such
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 as natural disasters or prolonged droughts in certain areas of the
world
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 prevent
food
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 production.
Consequently
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, crops exposed to these extreme events may all die out.
Furthermore
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, wars are
also
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 another cause of
world
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 hunger. It is evident that for survival, thousands of people started to migrate to avoid guns and fire. Meanwhile, these refugees struggle in a new place and have difficulty making ends meet, and
as a result
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, they can not afford to buy
food
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.
However
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, there are solutions to
this
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 problem and
this
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 requires the helping hand of the government and anti-hunger organisations. First of all, they should introduce new laws and stricter regulations in order to stop or inhibit violent attacks, social riots, conflicts and wars.
Moreover
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, it is necessary to send experienced scientists and experts in the field of agriculture to regions frequently suffering from
climate
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change
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, and install early warning systems for extreme weather to confront
climate
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change
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. In conclusion, various approaches could be implemented to help fight
world
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 hunger driven by
climate
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change
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as well as
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 by wars and conflicts, which are taking place in many regions around the globe.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to use a range of cohesive devices effectively to structure your essay clearly. This enhances readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Be consistent with the specific examples provided to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay significantly.
General
To further enhance your essay, consider including more varied and complex sentence structures without sacrificing clarity.
Structure
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion, which enhances its coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
You have effectively addressed the task by identifying pertinent causes and suggesting feasible solutions, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
Examples
The use of relevant examples and scenarios gives weight to your arguments and aids in illustrating the points being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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