IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuel should be the most important global priority today. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Owing to the rampant growth of the population, a significant amount of environmental concerns can be seen all over the world. Despite using fossil
fuels
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 other alternative solutions should be considered. I completely agree with the given phenomenon, since the depletion and burning of exhaustible resources bring about many negative ramifications
such
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 as global warming and wild animal
extinction
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.
To begin
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 with, reckless consumption of fossil
fuels
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 may widen many issues.
Firstly
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, global warming is the paramount concern of that. To be more precise, burning fossil
fuels
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 directly influences global warming. If global warming rises, it directs greenhouse effects.
For example
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, recent research reveals that air pollution has risen drastically over the past decade.
Hence
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, it is better to research other safe alternatives.
Secondly
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, some wild animals are on the brink of
extinction
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due to
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 the burning of fossil
fuels
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.
Furthermore
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, burning fossil
fuels
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 may affect animal's habitats.
Moreover
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, if global warming rises, the sea levels go up and affect fish and some other organisms.
For instance
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, a study which was done by the Ministry of Environment shows that approximately 40 wild animals and some types of fish have been on the brink of
extinction
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 over the
last
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 5 years.
Therefore
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, investigation of other resources is a need of the day. In conclusion, nowadays, it is believed that giving priority to the development of safe alternatives rather than fossil
fuels
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 is a crucial thing. I totally would argue with the given statement, since depletion of fossil
fuels
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 ushers global warming and wild animals'
extinction
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. It is recommended that the government should impose stringent legislation to curb unwanted consumption of exhaustible resources and should subsidize the development of other alternatives.

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Task Achievement
Keep providing specific examples to support your arguments, as this greatly strengthens your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to structure your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay even further.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples to support arguments is commendable.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and is cohesively structured.
Task Achievement
The clear stance you've taken and how it's consistently supported throughout the essay is praiseworthy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • renewable energy
  • climate change
  • sustainability
  • pollution
  • energy security
  • job creation
  • technological innovation
  • energy independence
  • price stability
  • environmental degradation
  • resource sustainability
  • international collaboration
  • global priority
  • energy transition
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