Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, children prefer to stay home playing video
games
rather than outdoor sports. Many parents including me feel that they should be engaged in sports more than computer games
. In this
essay, we will see the reason behind this
statement and thus
, come up with a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
, staying indoors and playing on electronic devices do little to no help for the child. It is addictive, bad for eyesight, and not to mention
lack of any physical exercise. At times they are so involved with their PC or console that, they sometimes do not do their homework, and as a result
, parents get complaints from the teacher. For example
, my cousin got a new PlayStation game and he was playing it almost every hour, hence
he often forgot to complete his assignment on time. Therefore
the negative effect of video games
can not be ignored.
Furthermore
, it is far more productive when the young ones are engaged in outdoor activities. It helps them become physically active, improves their social skills like teamwork, and also
increases their self-confidence. For instance
, it has been found that 80% of young ones who play on PC are shyer and quiet when compared to those who are active in outdoor games
. Their confidence is high and they are more independent as they grow. Moreover
, it is also
found that they are physically stronger than the ones who only played on the computer. Hence
, the significance of sports on young people can not be ignored.
To conclude
, it can be strongly argued that outdoor activities are not just necessary but also
beneficial for young children.Submitted by den_wei20 on
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, aim to deepen your analysis by discussing potential counterarguments or limitations to your stance. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-linked with clear transitional phrases to create a more seamless reading experience. Consider using a wider variety of linking phrases beyond 'Firstly' and 'Furthermore.'
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position in support of outdoor activities over video games and maintains this stance throughout.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the anecdote about the cousin, which illustrates the negative impact of video games.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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