IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
More and more
people
 have agreed that youngsters should be volunteers when they have free time.
This
 is because the volunteering services are advantageous to the
community
 and themselves. I totally support
this
 point of view.
This
 is because a great number of seasoned
people
 said that society is another school, and
people
 would learn various knowledge and gain numerous experiences from it.
Hence
, being volunteers near living areas is a priceless chance for youngsters to experience entering society.
For example
,
while
 they are in the volunteering services, they spend time socialising with the local crowd and dealing with common problems, which they might never had a chance to do.
Besides
, when young ones put effort into unpaid
community
 work, spending days and giving labour effort. They would feel fulfilled and grateful for their own growth.
Furthermore
, they possibly start to have different views of valuable
life
 and have the motivation to change their current living styles.
On the other hand
, some adults probably consider that teens should be more practical to chase a better material
life
 in the future.
Therefore
, they should spend a great proportion of their day on academic learning or intern positions
instead
 of unpaid work.
However
, if
that is
 the case, young ones would not have opportunities to learn the idea, “Giving is a crucial and priceless behaviour in
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.”
Moreover
, in recent years, the young generation has been used to communicating in the virtual world, and they tend to interact with peers on social media
such
 as Instagram and TikTok. It will decrease the moment they face
people
 in person and have an actual talk with a real person. Teens might become introverts and avoid themselves from crews.
In contrast
, walking into the compound and helping the
community
 will convert
this
 consequence. They will have time to get close to the crowd and their lives. In conclusion, I believe that it is a crucial chance for youngsters to participate in
community
 services. Teens could learn whole new
life
 experiences throughout the service and the local
people
 would be helped by these young souls.
Submitted by phoebejanzi on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your main points. Expand on the examples provided to create a more comprehensive and detailed argument.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas. Expand your vocabulary to create a more varied and precise expression of thoughts and concepts.
grammatical range
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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