IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.
#information #salaries #school #teachers #five #countries #report #university #lecturer
This
 table displays info
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 salaries of secondary/high school teachers in Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg,
Japan
Correct word choice
and Japan
show examples
. Korea, in 2009, it is clear from the graph that Luxembourg started
80,000
Change preposition
at 80,000
show examples
 which means it is the highest, in
additions
Fix the agreement mistake
addition
show examples
The lowest one is Australia
According to
 what is shown Australia had 28,000 before
however
 after 15
years
 it has 48,000 the max salary it takes 9
years
 to arrive at the maximum, in Denmark starting at 45,000 and after 15
years
 it has 54,000 the maximum in 8
years
, Luxembourg staring 80,000
moreover
 after 15
years
 It has 119,000 in 30
years
however
 the maximum is 132,000, in Japan starting at 34,000
thus
 After 15
years
 it has 65,000 in 37
years
 but the maximum is 86,000, In Korea stating 30,000
then
 After 15
years
 it has 48,000 by 34
years
in addition
 the maximum is 62,000.
To sum up
, we could say that 2 countries
arrived
Verb problem
received
show examples
 the maximum salary others the was nearly except Korea it was a difference of 14,000.
Submitted by mhmdkhlwd98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: