Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents

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Nowadays, numerous children have an unhealthy lifestyle

such

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as a sedentary lifestyle. Because of that, some people argue that schools and parents are responsible for solving

this

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problem. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the given statement, and I will elaborate on it in

this

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essay. On the one hand, these days, youngsters go to school and spend most of their time in educational institutions.

As a result

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, they have only a chance to exercise in that place.

However

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, various schools have few physical movements so they spend time more sitting down on their chairs.

For example

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, In South Korea, many schools focus on their students sent to university

thus

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, they reduce subjects like physical activities and art activities.

Consequently

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, learners lose an opportunity to exercise, which leads to a sedentary life

as well as

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some diseases like obesity.

Therefore

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, institutes have a responsibility to them and have to think about pupil health.

On the other hand

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, many juveniles

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spend time with guardians so they just follow their parent's opinion.

Moreover

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, various caregivers think that physical exercises are unnecessary, and just more study is better for their offspring.

For instance

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, In South Korea, in the present day, a lot of parents want to their children get professional jobs

such

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as doctors, lawyers and prosecutors.

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this

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reason, they do not send them to physical academies just send them to English or mathematics institutions.

Hence

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, youngsters cannot play with their friends

as well as

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exercise. Because of

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, parents have responsibilities to their scions. In conclusion, I completely agree with

this

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statement. Education institutions and guardians are responsible for youngsters. Because they are so young and influenced by adult's decisions. Of course, today, they do not want to play with their mates more like play games inside their house using IT devices. So, we should think about our youngster's health, do physical activities and teach them how important physical actions are and that will lead to the young generation's healthy lifestyle.

Submitted by livewire53 on Sun Sep 10 2023

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Task Response

The essay provides a relevant response to the task question, with a clear position and relevant supporting points. However, some ideas lack development and coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear framework for the essay. However, the development of supporting points lacks coherence and detailed explanation.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a varied range of vocabulary, but some terms are used incorrectly or inappropriately. Consider using more precise and accurate vocabulary to convey ideas effectively.

Grammatical Range

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures used throughout the essay. However, there are errors in subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence construction, affecting the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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15
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unhealthy lifestyle
growing concern
crucial role
addressing this issue
promote healthy habits
educational programs
physical activities
establish healthy routines
nutritious meals
collaboration

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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some are of the opinion that people are naturally born as good leaders while others feel that leadership skills can be learned Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

International tourism has bought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and environment. Do disadvantage outweigh the advantages?

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

Too much emphasis is given for eduation of the young. More government money should be spent free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?